You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
