Your face is a jimmy john
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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