i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
