i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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