when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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