That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have aggressive nipples.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
