Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
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I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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