My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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