Moan for me like Helen Keller
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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