this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
