Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
