I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
