my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
