i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
even my farts smell like vagina
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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