Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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