found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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