Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
