My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
