woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
