The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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