When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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