she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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