i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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