don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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