is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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