Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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