she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
