We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Enjoy the penises
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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