saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
