It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I came so hard my ears popped.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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