Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
