I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
