My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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