this boner is exhausting
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
