He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
