its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
