VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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