I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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