Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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