Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
