Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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