Don't make out with my wife yet
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
