Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
