hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
