She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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