she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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