My liver just broke up with me...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
