Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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