And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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