How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
