I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
