Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am one with the molecules
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
