He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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