How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
