Its about making memories worth repressing
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
