I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
