So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love you. Go after that dick
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
