id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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