well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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