I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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