This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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