My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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