Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
