I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
