I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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