"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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