I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
