If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
