I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
