i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
