nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
