Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
