We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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